Ok. So the meetup.com thing is so far very disappointing. The outdoor ladies are doing things that I am unable to join: walking before work at 7:30am in leawood. Umm, too far of a drive for that early of a morning. And kayaking. Which sounds AWESOME but I do not own a kayak nor willing to shell out a large amount of cash for one. sigh.
HOWEVER! I am going bowling with a former co-worker/friend tonight for ladies bowling!! I'm very excited for that. I also have a girls night dinner scheduled with (drum roll please) you guessed it! The lady half of the couple friends!
More importantly, I have been thinking about what makes the perfect friend. When I was in HS I totally made the "The Perfect Guy for Me" list (and I married him 2 yrs ago).... I know. But here is the friend list:
Willing to hang out just because we like eachother
Equal amount of emotional support received and given
Enjoys discussing celebrity gossip and more intellectual subjects
Interested in trying new things
Invites me to do things with other friends of theirs occasionally
That's it. Pretty simple. I thought about adding specific details about interests but I think that those are secondary since the perfect friend would be interested in anything if they live up to #3. I know she's out there. I just have to put myself out there and really work at opening my social butterfly wings and fly into those friend opportunities. I am usually what seems pessimistic, but I like to call myself a realist. In this adventure I am going to force myself to be opptomistic so that I can make sure I take full advantage of every friend opportunity. Otherwise I only have myself to blame for my lack of friendship.
Okay lady-
ReplyDeleteYour list looks pretty well organized in what it is you are looking for in a friend. But, getting a person to add you to their already existing friend group canbe a quick and easy route into more reoccurring social gatherings, but it is very difficult to make individual friends in that manner.
Don't be disheartened, it isn't impossible, just difficult. I have similar issues as you do. I have a threshold for the lack of intelligence that anyone I commonly associate with has. I very much enjoying being obnoxious, loud, and occasionally crude, but at the same time- if something comes up that is an actual serious issue, I would like to realistically talk about it, rather than jut skimming over it.
Having girls' nights out is an awesome way to start the friend building process though. Taken from what I have seen my own lady do, she commonly went out to dinner with a set of ladies that she worked with maybe once every three to four weeks for sushi and a movie or whatever. It was good for her because it allowed her to escape and have different conversations than she normally would with any of her friends she has had forever and a day.
I know in my own experiences, I find it very difficult to make new friends that are close. Working where I did for over 7 years, I have a few good friends who I talk to regularly, even though I don't work there, and several who I still associate with, but don't actively engage on a regular basis. It's very difficult. I am a true optimist as well.
Going back to what you said in the beginning, have you given any thought to halting your own type of event in Lawrence? I mean, is there a way to throw a line out to see if there would even be any interest from any ladies out there to do something?
No matter what, the fact that you are making the effort is good on your part. Regardless of what happens, there are always good circumstances that come out of all life's choices. You simply must choose to see them.
*hosting, not halting.
ReplyDeleteI think that I might host a bowling night. On Thurs here, there is ladies night and my friend/former co-worker went last night. All you have to do is pay for shoe rental. It was really nice to hang out with someone who listened to my problems without trying to give me advice. She also lamented that her quality of friends is an issue. I think she has potential as being someone whom I could be close friends with!
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