I Can Now Call You... Friend.

I have sought out a couple of relationships that were never very close. I can now safely call two people the fabulous title that is Friend. One of which I  met in college and am getting to know on a more personal level even though when I first met here I was like "I have got to know her!". Another of which I am also finding out more about and realizing just how much we have in common! These two individuals came to a cookout my mom has every year. While I usually invite just a couple of friends to come, every year one of my friends comes. He is someone whom I do not see very often, but we have a close connection of some sort that has never faltered. He is someone whom I can count on when I need him, I don't even have to wonder. Also, he is just fun to be around! Well, he came (my mom directly invited him) and so did the two ladies I invited! We had a good time!

Also, I went on my first meetup with some ladies in Lawrence! There were a total of six of us at Clinton Lake for a Sat AM hike. It was actually the perfect temperature out while we hiked the beautiful trails for 2 hours. All of the ladies were really nice and it was a mixture of age groups which was awesome! I learned a little about each one and found a potential physical activity friend: she does extreme runs like the ones that go through mud and obstacle courses! She said she'd be on a running team with me if I ever wanted to do a team run! So, it was definitely worth going do to the great company! I would try going to another meetup.

In the last 24 days I have learned a  lot about myself and other people. I have learned how to more clearly define what a friend is. I have also decided that I probably should not place labels on my friends such as "best friend". All friends should be friends. Some are closer than others, but placing superlatives upon a person doesn't make them the best friend. They have to work to be a friend in general and so do I. I've been putting in the work trying to find new friends and so far I have 2 more than I used to! I've almost been at this for a month and it is going so well!

Harder than I thought.

Remember when I was excited social butterfly? Now I'm more like a languid social catepillar. I spent some time this week with two women whom I've known but am getting to know better. I was really happy to spend that time with them. On Friday I had scheduled some ladies night with another person I'd like to get to know better. It was not fun at all. I enjoyed the conversation we had but could tell right off the bat that we are too different to hang out one on one. We are definitely better as husband/wife couple friends. That night really bummed me out. I was hoping there would be that spark where we would just click and have an awesome time! But no. It was not meant to be!

I went back to meetup.com today to check out the new activities that my groups have going on and noticed there was a camping trip scheduled!! I love camping! And... then I saw it cost 100 dollars. That's not happening. Can these meetups A: happen on a day when I don't have to work? and B: happen to be a lot less than 100 dollars?

So, being the proactive friend finder that I planned on being, I decided to start my own meetup group. However, that too costs a good chunk of change that I am not parting with. I decided to search other groups. And I found a group where I could have so many friends!!! But it's a gamer group and there would most likely be all guys in it.... I need to find a girl friend!!!! So I decided to create an event in one of my groups and I proposed hiking at Clinton Lake next Sat. So, we will see if anyone wants to join up!

I also looked at joining a running group in Lawrence, but I do not run as many miles (right now) as those groups do. I just started running again after taking a break due to the summer heat.

Well, I'm still at it. I'm still trying to find that best friend. And if I meet some other friends along the way there is nothing wrong with that! However, I long for that girl that I can call and say "I really need to get out for a run, you down?" and she replies "Hell yeah!". Where are you?

The Social Butterfly

Well this coming week I have three friend activities: pool on Thursday, lunch on Saturday, and Saturday night I will be stopping by a friend that I have not seen since HS' b-day party. Whew! That's a lot of friend interaction for me. I despise cliches but i'm going to use one anyway "when it rains it pours".

Last Thursday I was able to go bowling with a friend and talk about what has been bothering me. She is in a similar boat regarding friends and I feel that connection was important for us. I wonder, how many people feel the same way?

Last Friday a friend of mine from college was able to go to trivia with me and join in our group. She really enjoyed it and wants to do it again. Also, we made somewhat plans in going to shop at Salvation Army soon. I am so excited to hang out with her again.

So far everything has been happening pretty swiftly. I have been able to rekindle some friendships that I didn't know would continue or not and all without having to go to a strange group of people and feel self-conscious. Those meetups keep sending me invitations to things that I am unable to attend do to cost, but mainly do to the fact they all seem to happen on days that I work. I want to do a meetup of my own but am chicken poop about the whole thing. I know I know... just do it... eh.

In further news I have been dealing with family crap lately that will hopefully get worked out soon, but is ruining my good mood. Today I'm going to work on getting out of this terrible mood.

Not Meeting Up and The Perfect Friend

Ok. So the meetup.com thing is so far very disappointing. The outdoor ladies are doing things that I am unable to join: walking before work at 7:30am in leawood. Umm, too far of a drive for that early of a morning. And kayaking. Which sounds AWESOME but I do not own a kayak nor willing to shell out a large amount of cash for one. sigh.

HOWEVER! I am going bowling with a former co-worker/friend tonight for ladies bowling!! I'm very excited for that. I also have a girls night dinner scheduled with (drum roll please) you guessed it! The lady half of the couple friends!

More importantly, I have been thinking about what makes the perfect friend. When I was in HS I totally made the "The Perfect Guy for Me" list (and I married him 2 yrs ago).... I know. But here is the friend list:

Willing to hang out just because we like eachother
Equal amount of emotional support received and given
Enjoys discussing celebrity gossip and more intellectual subjects
Interested in trying new things
Invites me to do things with other friends of theirs occasionally


That's it. Pretty simple. I thought about adding specific details about interests but I think that those are secondary since the perfect friend would be interested in anything if they live up to #3. I know she's out there. I just have to put myself out there and really work at opening my social butterfly wings and fly into those friend opportunities. I am usually what seems pessimistic, but I like to call myself a realist. In this adventure I am going to force myself to be opptomistic so that I can make sure I take full advantage of every friend opportunity. Otherwise I only have myself to blame for my lack of friendship.

After several years of complaining about my lack of close friends, I have finally decided to do something about it! My new venture starts today in an attempt to meet a female confidante in 90 days or less. I have always hated making friends because it is so difficult! It really is almost like dating... You gotta have the same interests, you have to make time for eachother. I have always envied the girls who can make friends so easily, because I'm not like most girls.

Ahem. Confession time. I like video games, superheroes, comedies like Anchorman and Tropic Thunder. I love a good zombie film. I hate reading books about sappy BS and silly love stories. That being said I also like some other things... sewing, knitting, crafting, hiking, running, playing tennis and volleyball (complete amateur I assure you).

Last night I went to a friend's birthday party with my husband and realized how differnt our lives really were. I watched the lady friends filter in and noticed that my color choice of clothing was vastly different from theirs. Also, there was a HUGE issue for me: it was a cookout! I had no idea it was a cookout, how could I not know? I enjoy a good cookout, but if I had been aware I would have wore something different (flats instead of heels) and brought some kinda food to cook on the grill... sigh. I found myself closing my friendliness off immediately. Those girls were nice, i'm sure, but... they are not "my type" (it is really like dating).

My husband and I left early because we were going to see a movie. It was a great comedy called Ted and I laughed like a crazy person!

Last night I decided to text the female portion of one of our couples friends to see if she would like to have dinner with me for a "ladies night". I have yet to receive a response. Again, like dating, I can't wait for her to let me know!

Today I decided to do a search to see if there were any online friend sites and low a be hold I discovered meetup.com! At first I was like, "i'm not joining the women's social group because I don't like the books they have been reading, it's all sappy BS". However, another part of me said, f*** it give it a chance, it's not like all they do is read. And, I can always create my own event for a meetup. So I joined and I'm trying to think of a fun activity to start a meetup of my own but it's so darn hot here that I am afraid of creating an outside meetup. hmmm....